Confessions of a Cereal Killer

ANY SEINFELD OBSESSIVE is conscious of Jerry’s “fashioned” at Monk’s: a bowl of Cheerios. Jerry Seinfeld has sprinkled his enduring appreciation for cereal—and different processed breakfast meals—for the duration of his work. He even made a complete film about Pop-Tarts, the Netflix comedy Unfrosted, out Could presumably 3. Don’t ranking us negative, we stand by the excessive-protein breakfasts featured within the pages of our journal. Nonetheless when you happen to must recapture the childhood joy of sneaking into the kitchen after bedtime to walk into some Froot Loops, Seinfeld is here to uncover you attain it valid.

MEN’S HEALTH: You’re famously a lover of breakfast meals. How did it launch?

JERRY SEINFELD: You magnificent can’t think what I ate as a minute one. I’d bask in cereal within the morning, Pop-Tarts within the afternoon. Then I’d luxuriate in a minute little bit of lunch, however I hated it. And I’d below no conditions luxuriate in dinner. My mom would create dinner, I’d bask in just a few bites, and then I’d push it away. Nonetheless before mattress, I’d create one other gargantuan bowl of cereal. I used to be eating a quantity of Entenmann’s, which used to be on top of the refrigerator. I mean, magnificent nothing however junk.

MH: How attain you luxuriate in now?

JS: I’m in a position to’t luxuriate in now admire I faded to when I used to be a minute one—and even when I used to be doing Seinfeld, when I used to be in my 30s and early 40s. I’d peaceable luxuriate in fully anything else, anytime I needed. So I genuinely had an fabulous free dash. I below no conditions learned anything else about [healthy] eating unless I used to be in my 50s. Then I particular it used to be time to search out out what you’re speculated to luxuriate in.

MH: Did you lose the joy of eating breakfast meals once you needed to luxuriate in more fit?

JS: No, I completely kept it. I take advantage of it for mood administration now.

MH: I’m looking a minute mood administration myself. What cereal attain you prescribe?

JS: Properly, it is some distance reckoning on how unhappy you’re. Whereas you’re in valid wretchedness, Frosted Flakes is the valid intention to pass. Whereas you magnificent desire a minute little bit of a retract, you would possibly presumably also rush alongside with Honey Nut Cheerios. In uncover for you to pretend that you just’re no longer eating cereal, you would possibly presumably also bask in Raisin Bran. Nonetheless I’m in prefer of having cereal anytime you desire it. I truly bask in a line: “You’re eating and intriguing on the identical time, with one hand, with out looking.” That’s magnificent going to alternate your complete day.

MH: What are your solutions on the original wave of excessive-protein cereals?

JS: Fully sickening. In uncover for you protein, create some eggs.

MH: Attain your youth portion your like of cereal?

JS: Oh, for certain. Unimaginative-night cereal with my youth, which I peaceable attain, is with out doubt one of the necessary perfect joys of parenting. You ranking them into the kitchen at admire 11: 00 o’clock, you’re having cereal together, and that’s when you happen to genuinely ranking out what’s going on with them.

MH: It’s a shame corporations no longer build toy prizes within the boxes.

JS: And they’ll below no conditions attain it again. Their lawyers can also no longer ever let them. We bask in a scene in [Unfrosted] where any individual eats a frogman [toy], and the reaction from Kellogg’s company is: “They’re frogmen; they’ll ranking their intention out.”

MH: When did you turn into a Pop-Tarts obsessive?

JS: It used to be finally within the 2000s when [I realized that they] can also need been a pivotal portion of my childhood. It used to be behind at night and I went to an all-night grocery store. I provided Pop-Tarts, I toasted them, I had them with a chilly glass of milk, and I believed, I’m going to jot down one of the best stand-up routine about Pop-Tarts ever. And there are some different valid ones already accessible; different comedians bask in bits about Pop-Tarts. Nonetheless I particular I used to be going to grab this enviornment and explore it deeper than anybody else ever has.

MH: What flavor of Pop-Tarts were you eating for the duration of this revelation?

JS: It’s constantly brown sugar cinnamon.

MH: And constantly toasted? Or attain you luxuriate in them chilly, too?

JS: No, that’s barbaric.

MH: What roughly milk attain you wash it down with?

JS: Almond milk. It’s a lactose ingredient.

MH: Are you attentive to the drama surrounding almond milk?

JS: No, however I love any drama that has to attain with milk.

MH: Turns out increasing almonds uses up a quantity of water. Personally, I trust Lewis Murky’s outdated bit about how milk wants to come support from a teat.

JS: I truly bask in moderately about almond milk, too. “How did they ranking a stool small adequate to lumber below the almond?” I magnificent esteem that at some level any individual’s boss will deserve to bask in slammed a can of almonds down on their desk and said, “And figure out ranking some milk out of these goddamn issues!”

MH: You’re a born-and-raised Contemporary Yorker. What’s your bagel uncover?

JS: The raisin bagel, toasted with butter, is an all-timer. After I truly bask in my bagel with lox and cream cheese, I create myself a raisin bagel, toasted with butter.

MH: So you would possibly presumably also bask in an entrée bagel, then a dessert bagel.

JS: That’s valid. And then I truly bask in dessert after that, cinnamon babka. And that’s my Sunday morning.

MH: What’s your parting advice on the Most Critical Meal of the Day?

JS: To start with, nothing’s crucial. That’s magnificent something any individual said in a meeting. “It’s one of the best meal of the day!” Then any individual else said, “Hiya, that’s a valid line. Let’s use that.” Nonetheless it’s nonsense. Anything you would possibly well be crucial is crucial.

A version of this article initially seems to be within the Could presumably/June 2024 pronounce of affairs of Males’s Properly being.

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